If there is one word I could use to describe my childhood it would be unstable. My first six to seven years I lived with my Dad and step-family in Provo/Orem, Utah. I did not meet my biological mom until I was six. When I was seven, my Dad was convicted and spent the next eleven years in prison.
After my dad was convicted, my mom got custody. So my big sister, little brother and I moved to Roosevelt, Utah to live with my mom and her husband Charlie. My Mom had several men in her life (and thereby our lives) over the next 10 years and all of those relationships were either abusive or full of uncertainty and turmoil due to drugs, alcohol and prison. At one point, we moved to Oregon because the prisons were easier there. We lived in two man tents at an RV park for several months.
When I was 12 or 13 years old, I started experimenting with drugs, drinking and boys. I was kicked out and was homeless for about 6 months. I lived in a tent with my 18 year old boyfriend. Right before my 16th birthday I wound up in Juvenile detention and on probation. Before my court date, we left to South Carolina because my Aunts offered us help. It was then that I realized I was pregnant. That is when life got real. I was now responsible for another life. I went to live my cousin.
Things were extremely difficult for the next couple years. I moved all over the place with different family members to keep a roof over our head. Eventually I wound up in SC with my mom, her boyfriend and my brother.
I was working with my mom framing houses. My son was 2 at the time and the bills weren’t getting paid, I allowed fear to rule me. I needed help. I couldn’t do this on my own. I didn’t know the Lord then, but I wanted the stability for my son that I never had.
I met my husband at work and we started “dating”. Soon enough we moved in together. We got our own place and had two more children. I was still empty and couldn’t figure out why.
I began to attend services at Cathedral of Praise and learned that Jesus died for all my sins. What a relief, but I couldn’t really figure out how to walk it out.
After seven years of playing Christian, but still feeling empty and maybe even more so than before, I cried out to Jesus in the middle of a service. I said, “Jesus, I don’t see you here, and if you’re not here than why am I? I want to be where you are!”
Shortly after that I met a minister of The Fishermen Ministry. There, I found a fellowship of people who accept me because Jesus accepts me, not because I have something to offer. It was there that I came to know that I don’t have anything to offer save Jesus Christ!
I have been a part of this fellowship since 2009 because of the Lord. He is here and I want to be where he is! It is His strength that enables me to be the wife and mother that He would have me to be. I am grateful to Him for that. In Jesus I find the stability I have so desperately wanted! He is now my Rock! I stand on His Word, hoping to be an example to those around me of His love, power and grace.