I’d been exposed to the Baptist church as a child. My mother and grandmother both believed on Jesus so we went to Sunday School and church sometimes. But my childhood was troubled and He didn’t help us. Someone said “Eve” started all the trouble in the world and ticked God off, so I concluded He was mad and most especially he did not like women. I felt angry at a god who would first make you as a girl and then hate you for it! I stopped going to church.
I eventually married, had three sons and became a widow by age 25. His suicide nearly killed me. This was the big blow out with God. I shook my fist and bellowed toward heaven and told him, “leave me alone”! I wanted nothing to do with him ever again.
I remarried and life went on, studying new age and ancient pagan religions and trying to believe but in my heart I knew it was at best hollow. Then I saw it was not; it was worse. It was Satan behind the curtain. I began to withdraw from that quest. Now I was back to confusion only to fill the void with patriotism and good works.
One night a TV evangelist was talking earnestly of God’s love and Jesus’ sacrifice for all of us. Then he said, “pray with me and just accept Jesus into your heart and he’ll love you and help you and be with you alway.” I heard that call. I prayed sincerely and in earnest. I told Him how I’d told off His Father and how much I needed him and I was sorry. That was right and real and I felt it. I burned tarot cards and got rid of my occult books and paraphernalia. Many Christian people tried to pull us (my husband and me) into their various denominations. Eventually we asked The Fishermen Ministry (who we had known loosely for some years) to do a bible study. God’s word came alive and faith grew. My husband got saved and Jesus has blessed us especially in opening his word. In July, 2000, we were baptized in the water and in the Holy Spirit. He’s sent many ministers and brothers and sisters in Christ to us. The world has faded and God’s Kingdom is all that matters now. We have joy.
If you’re thinking of how to fill that void in you, try Jesus. He is well able and he wants you to know him. He’ll love you and help you always. He’s not fickle or unjust. He’s not far off and he cares for even the smallest part of you. He has forever taken away the migraine headaches I once had. Instantly and forever! He already loves you and wants you to love Him so he can pour his many blessings on you.
Pray with me; Jesus I believe you died for me, paid for all my sins yesterday, today and tomorrow and that you love me so I want you to live in my heart, teach me your ways, and I want to follow you always. In your precious name I ask and thank you. Amen.